Before we adopted Ethan, I put a lot of effort into thinking and worrying about our infertility journey. It was always out there - something that made up a big part of who I was. An unaccomplished goal combined with a desperate fear that I wouldn't be able to carry/give birth to/breastfeed a child. Now that Ethan is ours and real and tangible, it is so completely different. I don't pine for those things that I spent so much time and energy wishing for. I really don't feel like I missed out, perhaps because I was able to closely observe so many pregnancies through other people. Instead, I am glad for the time I spent waiting and wanting because it has made the *now* seem so much better. I am glad that we had the trouble we did - if we hadn't, I wouldn't have Ethan, and he is as much mine as any child that I would have given birth to. Our agency has a saying that "you will get the child you were meant to raise". When we were in the pre-adoption classes, I dismissed it as hokey, but now I believe it with all my heart.
2 comments:
Jenny, I couldn't agree with you more. Everything happens for a reason.
Priyanka is the product of my wife's first marriage but, she's the only daughter I'll ever have. She's not the child of my flesh, she's the child of my heart.
It's interesting how much our struggles become so much of who we are, and then if we forget to let go of them we miss living in the now. You're living so fully and completely in the now with your family it's amazing, Jenny.
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